Picture this; you're minding your business, browsing the latest cat memes, when suddenly, a mysterious message from a stranger lands in your inbox or DMs. It's not the classic junk email from a Middle Eastern Prince looking to give away half his fortune. Instead, it's a lot more creative, crafty, and for many, a much more believable scam. These thieves know exactly how to bait their hooks with the most tempting lures to reel in unsuspecting folks. It's a sad reality. 

One promises the world; another offers an exclusive investment opportunity or a secret financial tip. In the most desperate situations, these scammers even pose as potential romantic interests from a far-off land. They scrape the internet for data relating to your likes and dislikes and use that information to their advantage. These swindlers, they're masters of manipulation, you see. They tap into our deepest desires - our dreams of love, wealth, and success - and dangle them out of reach. 

Their messages pique our interest because they offer us a tantalizing taste of the life we've always dreamed of living. Who wouldn't be at least a little bit curious? But beware, my friend, as the old saying goes, "all that glitters is not gold." You might have just stumbled into the realm of "pig butchering" scams, where your hard-earned cash is the main course at a swindler's feast. 

What's a pig butchering scam?

These tech-savvy scammers have turned deception into an art form, using social media, messaging apps and even fake online profiles to fatten up their prey before going in for the kill. They'll weave a captivating story of friendship or romance, peppered with tales of impressive gains and once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunities.

Before you know it, you're the piggy being led to slaughter. 

From stranger to trusted friend

How does this fraud unfold? It starts innocently enough with a message from a stranger who claims to have found your name in their contacts or seems genuinely interested in getting to know you. Their profile looks real, and their life story is too relatable to ignore. 

The hook

Over time, they win your trust and start asking about your finances, setting the stage for their grand finale. Soon, they'll introduce you to mouth-watering investment prospects with screenshots of their alleged successes. They might claim insider info from a reputable financial institution or promise massive returns through crypto trading. 

The slaughterhouse

All they need is for you to invest in a specific stock or transfer assets to a particular platform. It's easy to think you're in control, yet in reality, your newfound friend pulls the strings, orchestrating a symphony of deceit. Once you've invested enough, the music stops, leaving you with a deflated wallet and a bruised ego.  

How to watch out for the "Butcher's Knife"

Check for the following red flags to avoid falling prey to these tech-based swine schemes. 

1) If a message comes out of the blue from an unknown contact, resist the urge to engage. These scammers can be charming; however, your wallet will thank you for giving them the cold shoulder. 

2) If your new online buddy refuses to show their face on camera, chances are they're not who they say they are. 

3) If they start asking about your finances, it's time to slam the door on the budding relationship. Be cautious about unsolicited investment tips, especially from someone you've only met online. Take the time to research any opportunity that's presented to you and run it by a trusted third party. 

4) Always be wary of transferring assets to unknown platforms. Do your due diligence and ask yourself who controls the platform, what security measures are in place, and how to withdraw funds if needed. We emphasize the due diligence part, as this step can seriously provide beneficial information. 

5) Finally, keep your emotions in check, and don't let scammers play on your desires and dreams. If an investment sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and if someone's trying to pressure you into making a hasty decision, it's a huge red flag. 

What to do if you fall victim to a scam 

While it may feel embarrassing if you are targeted and fall victim to a scam, know you are not alone. Don’t be afraid to speak up and report any scam. There’s a chance you can stop someone from scamming others, and you want to take these steps so your personal information isn’t compromised. 

If you gave any personal information, contact your bank immediately to flag the potential fraud.

If you mailed any personal checks, call your bank to cancel the check before it clears.

Report the scam to the FTC and the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Contact your state attorney’s office.

Use Identity theft protection

If you want a service that will walk you through every step of the identity theft reporting and recovery process, you should consider an identity theft service. 

TOP IDENTITY THEFT SCAMS TO AVOID

Identity theft companies can monitor personal information like your home title, Social Security number, phone number and email address, and alert you if it is being sold on the dark web or being used to open an account. They can also assist you in freezing your bank and credit card accounts to prevent further unauthorized use by criminals. 

Some of the best parts of using an identity theft protection service like my #1 pick include identity theft insurance to cover losses and legal fees, and a white glove fraud resolution team where a U.S.-based case manager helps you recover any losses.

See my tips and best picks on how to protect yourself from identity theft by visiting CyberGuy.com/IdentityTheft.

Final thoughts

In the digital age, swine schemes have evolved to capitalize on our reliance on technology. By staying vigilant and knowing the warning signs, you can ensure you don't become another victim in the pig butchering scammer's playbook.

Fox News

Sudanese say warring factions ignore their plight as hardships grow

Heavy gunfire echoed around Khartoum on Friday as civilians trapped in the Sudanese capital said the army and rival paramilitary were fighting without regard to their plight.

Battles since mid-April have killed hundreds and wounded thousands, disrupted aid supplies, sent 100,000 refugees fleeing abroad and turned residential areas of Khartoum into war zones.

"It's been four days without electricity and our situation is difficult," said 48-year-old Othman Hassan from the southern outskirts of the city. "We are the victims of a war that we aren't a part of. No one cares about the citizen."

Smoke rose into the air in an area outside Khartoum's presidential palace and across the River Nile in the adjoining city of Bahri, live footage on broadcaster Al Jazeera showed.

Despite multiple ceasefire declarations, the army and the paramilitary Rapid Support Forces (RSF) appeared to be fighting for territory ahead of proposed talks.

So far, army leader Abdel Fattah al-Burhan, a career military officer, and RSF commander Mohamed Hamdan Dagalo, a former militia leader known as Hemedti who comes from the strife-torn western region of Darfur, have shown little public willingness to negotiate.

Saudi Arabia's foreign minister, Prince Faisal bin Farhan, and U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken on Friday discussed a plan for the warring parties to meet in Jeddah in a bid to reduce tensions, Saudi Arabia said.

Sudan's armed forces said it sent a delegation to Jeddah on Friday evening as part of the initiative. The RSF did not immediately comment, but both forces have said they will only discuss humanitarian ceasefires and not ending the war.

Their power struggle risks dragging in outside countries, further destabilising an already restive region.

A group of countries led by Britain, the United States, Germany and Norway is set to request an urgent meeting of the U.N. Human Rights Council on the Sudan crisis next week, a document showed on Friday.

Across swathes of Khartoum, factories, banks and shops have been looted or damaged, power and water supplies have been failing and residents have reported steep price rises and shortages of basic goods.

Whole neighbourhoods have emptied, leading people to fear for the houses they left behind.

Aya Eltahir said she fled with her family to the northern outskirts of the capital after bullets hit their roof.

"I make plans to return every day, even just to grab more essential items, but the situation is too unsafe," she said.

The World Health Organization (WHO) said at least 551 civilians had died and 4,926 been wounded, based on data from Sudan, but real tolls were likely much higher due to the difficulty of accessing medical facilities.

'RECKLESS DISREGARD' FOR CIVILIANS

The Sudanese Doctors Union said one of the country's main maternity hospitals, Aldayat, in the city of Omdurman that adjoins Khartoum, and the central medical supply warehouse had been looted and occupied by forces on Thursday.

In total, it said 17 hospitals had been damaged by fighting and 20 forcibly evacuated since the start of the violence. Sixty of the 88 hospitals in Khartoum are out of service, it said, with many of the rest only offering partial service.

"Sudan's warring armies are showing reckless disregard for civilian lives by using inaccurate weapons in populated urban areas," Human Rights Watch Sudan researcher Mohamed Osman said in a report.

The army and RSF, which had shared power after a coup in 2021, have accused each other of breaching a string of truces.

Their conflict has derailed an internationally backed plan to usher in democracy and civilian rule after a 2019 popular uprising that unseated Islamist strongman Omar al-Bashir.

The U.N. has pressed the warring sides to guarantee safe passage of aid after six of its trucks were looted.

The U.N. World Food Programme (WFP) said some $14 million worth of food for the needy has been plundered, while U.N. children's agency UNICEF said more than 1 million polio vaccines were destroyed when cold storages were looted.

Fighting has spread across the country, including the western region of Darfur.

The U.N. refugee agency UNHCR is estimating an exodus of 860,000 people from Sudan and called on governments to look kindly on fleeing civilians. The agency is calling on countries not to return people to Sudan.

"The humanitarian situation in and around Sudan is tragic - there are food, water and fuel shortages, limited access to transport, communications and electricity, and sky-rocketing prices of basic items,” said Raouf Mazou, UNHCR's assistant high commissioner for operations.

Reuters

RUSSIAN PERSPECTIVE

EU agrees €1 billion ammo package for Ukraine

EU members have agreed on a financing mechanism that would entail Ukraine receiving €1 billion worth of ammunition as part of the bloc’s assistance plan, the EU Council said in a statement on Friday. The package is expected to include mostly 155-mm-calibre artillery rounds and missiles “if requested.”

This comes in addition to another €1 billion worth of ammo the bloc’s members agreed to send to Kiev out of its own stocks in April.

“Together with the previous decision to swiftly provide ammunition from existing stocks, we are committing €2 billion to this purpose, bringing the total EU military support to Ukraine to €5.6 billion,” the EU's top diplomat, Josep Borrell, said.

The ammunition will be purchased and delivered by EU members, the statement explains, adding that to be reimbursed, procurement contracts or purchase orders will need to be concluded before September 30, 2023. The ammunition must only be purchased from “economic operators established in the EU or Norway,” the EU Council said.

The measure comes as part of a multi-part scheme adopted by the Council on March 20, which aimed to provide Ukrainian forces with one million rounds of artillery ammunition within 12 months.

The scheme initially prompted some disagreements among EU member states, with France reportedly demanding compensation for supplies which Kiev never even requested, according to Poland’s PAP news agency.

The bloc eventually managed to agree on the “first track” of the plan worth €1 billion on April 13. A week later, the New York Times reported that Western nations were falling short in their efforts to provide Ukraine with the necessary amounts of weapons systems and munitions.

The Times noted that most of the promised German-made Leopard tanks were still being refurbished. The paper said it would take the EU and US industries “years to catch up with the demand” of Kiev, which are “essentially limitless.”

Ukraine has also repeatedly criticized its Western backers over the delays and supposed lack of sufficient supplies.

Moscow, meanwhile, has repeatedly warned that “pumping” Kiev with arms and ammunition will only prolong the conflict and risks a dangerous escalation, potentially even a direct confrontation between Russia and NATO.

** US experts warn of ‘Russian air superiority’ over Ukraine

The Russian air force could wreak havoc on Ukraine’s armor and infantry if Kiev launches its much-anticipated counteroffensive without air cover, a prominent US military expert has told Newsweek. Another acknowledged supply problems with Kiev’s air defenses, while a third dismissed technical concerns to argue Ukrainian morale would prevail.

The Russians “have an almost overwhelming level of air superiority they have not introduced into the war yet,” Dale Buckner, a retired US Army officer who now heads the international security firm Global Guardian, told Newsweek. 

The MiG-35, Su-35 and Su-57 jets can “decimate” the counteroffensive if they can catch armor and infantry columns in the open, said Buckner. “So there’s a real tactical risk on the ground for the Ukrainians if they don’t have proper air defense and if they don't have multiple layers of air defense,” he added.

Newsweek described the Russian Aerospace Force as “the world’s second-largest,” with an estimated 900 fighters and 120 bombers.

Buckner believes that Moscow has been holding its considerable air force in reserve “for a much larger conflict,” but might deploy at least some planes if there is a belief the Ukrainian forces lack adequate cover.

Retired US Marine General Frank McKenzie was far more optimistic about Ukraine’s chances. 

“I’m not sure that we’re going to suddenly see a massive shift in the Russian approach to this war in the air,” said the former head of US Central Command who oversaw the Afghanistan withdrawal in 2021. Now at the Global and National Security Institute at the University of South Florida, McKenzie argued Russia didn’t have much “left in the cupboard” while the West was busily resupplying Ukraine.

“The heart of the people doing the conducting of those operations is a factor,” said McKenzie, arguing that the Russians lacked enthusiasm. “Part of it comes down to who can hang on the longest, who has more heart for the fight, even in a technical thing like air defense and air warfare.”

Mark Cancian of the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS) think tank has noted that Kiev was redirecting air defenses to frontline units from cities and infrastructure. He told Newsweek that the Russian air force has been “risk-averse” and that he did not expect them to “roam Ukrainian skies imminently.”

“If the Ukrainian air defenses continue to deteriorate, the Russians will become increasingly aggressive,” Cancian said, adding that this “will take some time.”

In recent weeks, Russian tactical aviation has begun bombing Ukrainian targets near the frontline with modified FAB-500 glide bombs, encountering almost no resistance. Ukrainian Air Force spokesman Colonel Yury Ignat told reporters on Tuesday that Kiev was powerless to stop the bombs and pleaded for the US and its allies to send F-16 fighters.

WESTERN PERSPECTIVE

Russia's Wagner threatens to leave Bakhmut, Ukraine says mercenaries reinforcing

Russia's main mercenary group announced plans on Friday to withdraw from the eastern Ukrainian city of Bakhmut, but Ukraine said the fighters were reinforcing positions to try to seize it before Russia marks World War Two Victory Day next week.

Wagner Group leader Yevgeny Prigozhin said his men had been starved of ammunition and would expect the army to take their place in Bakhmut next Wednesday, jeopardising what has long been Russia's main target in its attempt to carve up its neighbour.

"My lads will not suffer useless and unjustified losses in Bakhmut without ammunition," Prigozhin said in a video accompanying a written withdrawal announcement addressed to military leaders including President Vladimir Putin.

The announcement said "bureaucrats" had held back supplies despite knowing that Wagner's target date to capture the city was May 9, the day of the World War Two commemoration.

"If, because of your petty jealousy, you do not want to give the Russian people the victory of taking Bakhmut, that's your problem," Prigozhin added in the video.

State-owned RIA news agency later reported that Russian Defence Minister Sergei Shoigu had instructed one of his deputy ministers to ensure troops had all the weapons they needed.

The battle for Bakhmut, which Russia sees as a stepping stone to other cities in Ukraine's Donbas region still beyond its control, has been the most intense of the conflict, costing thousands of lives on both sides in months of grinding warfare.

CLINGING ON

Ukrainian troops have been pushed back in recent weeks but have clung on in the city to inflict as many Russian losses as possible ahead of Kyiv's planned big push against the invading forces along the 1,000 km (620 mile) front line.

Ukraine's Armed Forces General Staff said in an evening report that Ukrainian forces repelled more than 30 attacks on the main sectors of the front line on Friday, with Bakhmut and Maryinka to the south seeing the heaviest fighting.

Pavlo Kyrylenko, governor of Donetsk region, said on the Telegram messaging app that Russian missiles had struck a heavy machinery manufacturing plant in the town of Kramatorsk and a home furnishing factory in the town of Sloviansk. He said there were no injuries in either attack.

Both towns are west of the front in and around Bakhmut.

Reuters pictures and video from Kramatorsk showed the machinery plant heavily damaged with windows blown out, facades torn off and top floors reduced to a twisted mass of metal and other building materials.

"Because of the lack of ammunition, our losses are increasing exponentially every day," Prigozhin's statement said. His fighters would be obliged to hand over their positions in Bakhmut to defence ministry units on May 10 and then withdraw to logistics camps "to lick our wounds", he added.

SMOKESCREEN?

It was not clear whether Prigozhin, who often makes impulsive comments, would proceed with the withdrawal if his men got more ammunition or if the dispute might be a smokescreen.

A senior Ukrainian official said Russia was bringing Wagner mercenary fighters from along the front line to Bakhmut to capture it by Victory Day.

"We are now seeing them pulling (fighters) from the entire offensive line where the Wagner fighters were, they are pulling (them) to the Bakhmut direction," Deputy Defence Minister Hanna Maliar said on Ukrainian television.

The Kremlin declined to comment on Prigozhin's statement.

Earlier, Prigozhin was pictured surrounded by corpses he said were his men, shouting abuse at Defence Minister Shoigu and Chief of General Staff Valery Gerasimov.

Prigozhin said Shoigu and Gerasimov must bear responsibility for "tens of thousands of Wagner dead and injured".

Prigozhin's vow to pull out of Bakhmut highlighted the pressure Russian forces are under as Ukraine makes the final preparations for a counter-offensive backed by thousands of Western-donated armoured vehicles and freshly trained troops.

The Russian-installed governor of Ukraine's Zaporizhzhia region, Yevgeny Balitsky, said he had ordered the evacuation of villages close to the front line with Ukrainian forces there, saying that Ukrainian shelling had intensified in recent days.

The Ukrainian counterattack is viewed as likely to take in the Zaporizhzhia region, about 80% of which is held by Moscow.

Some residents left the southern Ukrainian city of Kherson in cars and buses on Friday, and others stocked up on groceries, before the start of an unusually long weekend curfew.

The announcement of the curfew, to last from Friday evening to Monday morning, has prompted speculation in Kherson that the city is about to be used as a launch point for the counter-attack.

Speaking on return from visits to Helsinki and The Hague, President Volodymyr Zelenskiy said in an address he had won "a powerful reinforcement of weapons for our soldiers - on land, in the air and at sea" as a result of talks with allies there.

Meanwhile, the pace of grain shipments from Ukraine under a U.N.-backed initiative has slowed as concerns grow over ships getting stuck if a deal is not renewed later this month, according to sources and data. Ukraine, Russia, Turkey and the United Nations failed to authorize any new ships on Friday under the deal.

Russia has suffered few direct attacks during the war, but Russian news agencies reported a second drone attack in as many days on its Ilsky oil refinery on Friday, causing a fire but no casualties. It was not immediately clear who launched it.

RT/Reuters

I was already in college before I finally understood that my entire life had overlapped with second-wave feminism, a force that transformed American culture without so much as registering on a certain young woman in Alabama. All my life I had been stepping through open doors, it turned out, blithely unaware of the vision and sacrifice and passionate persistence of the women who had opened those doors for me.

Once I understood that, I also understood that I wouldn’t want to have landed on this planet a single moment earlier than I did.

A woman born in Lower Alabama in 1961 has little use for nostalgia. Go back to the “good old days” when women were limited to professions like education or nursing and little else? Back to a time when the opportunities available to Black and brown people, and to Black and brown women especially, were even more profoundly limited? No, thank you very much.

The only trouble with being born in 1961 is that in 2021 you will turn 60, something I did last week. It’s very strange to persist in feeling 22, even as every mirror — and every storefront window and polished elevator door — reveals the truth. Sixty is the point at which people must admit they are no longer middle-aged.

Lately it’s been dawning on me that I would not want to have been born even one minute later than 1961, either. Last week I mentioned this new thought to a friend, and her response was immediate, as though she’d already had it herself: “Because we won’t have to live through the cataclysm?”

Exactly.

Well, no, not exactly. On the days when headlines are full, yet again, with firestorms and catastrophic flooding and biodiversity collapse and endless pandemic and a depressingly effective disinformation campaign to deny the climate emergency — on those days, yes. Absolutely yes. On those days I am glad to be 60 because it means I almost certainly won’t live to witness the cataclysm that is coming if humanity cannot change its ways in time.

But that’s not the way I think on most days. On most days I am simply grateful for the 60 years I’ve had.

New York Times

This is a story about emotional intelligence and winning arguments.

Let's start by ensuring we're on the same page regarding the definitions of three key terms. Get these right, and you're halfway there. 

First, "winning."

• For our purposes, a winning argument is one from which you emerge in a position that makes it more likely you will achieve your ultimate goals than you were before.
• It often does not mean convincing the other side that you are right and they are wrong. How often does that happen, anyway?
• In fact, when we talk about "winning arguments," don't think of "winning" as a verb; think of it as an adjective. You'll wind up happier.

Next, "emotional intelligence." 

• Emotional intelligence in this context is a practiced awareness of how emotions affect your communication and organizational efforts, along with thinking through how to leverage emotions (both yours and other people's) to make your points clearer and more relatable and to become more persuasive.
• Emotional intelligence often leads people to treat others more nicely and to develop empathy for them. But these benefits are tangential positives. They are not the core definition or goal.

Finally, "arguments."

• Arguments, as we examine them here, are communications designed to advance common understanding, resolve disputes, or achieve goals. They have more in common with negotiating than they do with fighting.
• The business contexts could be infinite: a dispute with a competitor, an application to a government regulator, a difficult conversation with an employee; the list goes on.
• Not every negotiation is an argument, but every argument involves some degree of negotiation.

If you look for advice on how to handle these challenges with emotional intelligence, you'll more quickly find discussion of them in the context of romantic or family relationships than business relationships. Maybe that's because we quite reasonably value those relationships more. Good for us, frankly.

But, these rules are also applicable in business contexts. Since so many people don't learn them, it's almost as if they're secrets hiding in plain sight, offering big advantages to those who do use them. 

With that in mind, I set out to boil down some of the most common advice that therapists and counselors repeatedly give in terms of "how to argue with your spouse," or "fighting fair in relationships." Then, I ran it all by a trio of counselors and psychotherapists, including those teaching conflict management on the collegiate level, to adapt them to rules that business leaders and business owners can use.

Here are the 9 no-longer-secret rules of winning arguments that emerged.

Rule #1: Before you start arguing, decide how you want it to end.

I hope you're going to read all the way to the end of this article, but this rule is by far the most important. It's non-negotiable, even while some of the others might involve a balancing act.

In short, when it comes to arguments, know what you want to get out of them before you get into them.

Keep in mind: You might have a long-term desired outcome ("I want this employee to succeed, help my business grow, and be happy"), and you also might have a short-term desired outcome ("I want to figure out why this employee has had a hard time meeting expectations lately.")

But like so many things in life, people often fail miserably here because they haven't taken the time to think deeply about what success would look like. (Put differently: Follow the Z-Y-X Rule.)

Rule #2: Think how you can make it end well for the other side.

There are at least two parties in any argument: you and the other side. 

The other side should practice Rule #1 here, just as I'm advising you to. Sometimes they will; sometimes they won't. But even if they break that cardinal rule, you can do a bit of it for them. You can think through how you can get what you want, while also letting the other side get at least some of what they want, too.

At the very least, you can endeavor to ensure that they know you've listened to them, and they've been able to have their say--and perhaps "save face" to some degree.

"Ever seen two kangaroos fighting?" commented Jan Harrell, a clinical psychologist for 40 years who taught at UCLA and Southern Oregon University. "It's hysterical. They throw their little heads back, and they throw their paws out. That's how I see a lot of people arguing. They're fighting to be heard. Fighting to be seen. You can gain a lot by being the one who acknowledges the other person's reality."

Rule #3: Control the circumstances.

There are three main circumstances you want to control, or at least be aware of: time, place, and manner of your debate.

When are you talking? How are you talking? Who's initiating the call or traveling to the other person's location? Is this all over email or text? Are other people listening in?

These are all "negotiations before the negotiation," so to speak. And, while you don't necessarily have to have "your way or the highway," pay attention.

If you're a boss who needs to have a heart-to-heart with an employee, and yet that employee keeps putting you, off or insisting that you accommodate their schedule, that tells you something right there. 

Important final point: Of all the circumstances, time stands out. Set end times. Maybe you stick with them during the argument or change them, but they're a great tool to have brought with you. 

Rule #4: Control the emotions.

Control your emotions, of course. That doesn't mean be emotionless; it means being aware of how you feel and how those feelings might affect what you say and do--for better and for worse.

But also, keep an eye on the other person's emotions.

This is also where it pays to remember that your goal is not always to make the other person feel as comfortable as possible. Be decent, of course, but sometimes anxiety or excitement on the other side of a table can make a good resolution more likely for you.

"When you're cognitively hyper-aroused, when you have a racing heartbeat, racing thoughts, people around you can pick up on this," said Dr. Gillian O'Shea Brown, a psychotherapist who specializes in complex relational trauma and teaches at New York University. "Being calm and clear-headed--this is a primer for any kind of effective communication."

Rule #5: Do not skip the small talk.

Your small talk might be brief, but it's nevertheless important. It's an early opportunity to find common ground.

Maybe you're arguing with a vendor who hasn't lived up to expectations. Maybe you're having a difficult conversation with an employee who you don't think is going to be a great fit, long-term.

Those conversations can be fraught, so starting with something simple like: "I know things have been hard, but I appreciate you taking the time to talk things through, and I hope we can reach an accommodation," can improve the tone.

Important caveat: Don't open with a question, even something as seemingly innocuous as "How are things?"

Use declarations like the one above. Otherwise, you're starting out with either an invitation to get off track, or else asking something you don't really want to hear the answer to. Either way, you risk sending an unintentional message.

Rule #6: Adjust (not react) in real time.

The important thing here is to keep in mind, at least for our purposes, there is a difference between adjusting and reacting. 

Let's use an example. Imagine that your ultimate goal is to help an employee become more effective at work, and you walk in thinking that his or her difficulty probably stems from not having enough flexibility.  

But during the conversation, the employee tells you that the real problem is that she doesn't get enough clear direction or feedback.

• You could react to that, emotionally: "I'm a very good boss, and I give very clear directions and feedback!"
• Or you could adjust your response, in a less emotional way: "O.K. Maybe it would help if we set up weekly check-ins like this to make sure you know what's expected." 

All other things being equal, which reaction do you think is more likely to lead to your stated goal of having an effective employee?

Rule #7: Listen -- and look as if you're listening.

Listening is harder than people like to give it credit for. It's not just being quiet or being able to parrot back what someone has said. It's really a form of communication.

Perception is important. Even if you're a pro at multitasking, think through what it looks like if you check your phone five times during the discussion, or if your assistant interrupts you twice to ask you questions.

There are times when it's OK to be distracted. Maybe you decided it was tactically wise to agree to an employee's request that you have your discussion as soon as possible, which happens to mean doing it via phone while you're driving. In that case, I want your attention on the road.

Or else, there might also be times when you want to signal clearly that the dispute you're arguing about really is not that important to you. If the only time you'll allocate for a discussion is 15 minutes via cell phone during a layover in a noisy airport, that sends a message. Just make sure you send that message intentionally.

Rule #8: If you interrupt, do so strategically.

You're the boss, so it's likely up to you to make sure you cover the things you want to cover.

That means that you want to listen actively and strive for the other person to feel heard. But it doesn't mean you have to endure a filibuster, or allow the conversation to go completely off track.

"Think about how you strategically interrupt," suggested O'Shea Brown. "Maybe, 'I hear you have a lot to say in regard to your feelings. We both want a solution, so let's pivot toward solutions.' Your tone is everything. To paraphrase Maya Angelou, they might not remember what you said, and they might not remember what you did, but they'll remember how you made them feel."

Rule #9: Seek to understand

It's good that we end on this point, because unless you're planning to try to steamroll over the other side -- in which case, why bother with the argument? -- understanding will be key to guiding things toward where your ultimate goals are more likely.

Tactically speaking: Ask open-ended questions, and even repeat back to the other person some of what they say. You want to know where they're coming from so that you can better articulate your own points, and improve the odds of emerging closer to your goals.

"That's important because you need to understand where the other person is coming from to present a compelling argument," said Miriam Bowers-Abbott, who teaches communication and conflict management at Mount Carmel College of Nursing in Ohio. "If you don't know what their priorities are, it's hard to convince them."

Inc

Sports Minister, Sunday Dare, will today in Lagos, receive the athletes, who did the nation proud at the just concluded African U18 and U20 Athletics Championship in Ndola, Zambia.

The first batch of Nigerian contingent to the championship arrived in Lagos yesterday afternoon. Team Nigeria, with a small contingent of 41 athletes, finished second on the final medals table behind South Africa with 17 gold, 10 silver and 9 bronze. South Africa paraded a large squad of 120 people, including 105 athletes at the battle of Ndola.

Speaking with our correspondent yesterday on arrival in Lagos, female hurdler, Osamuyi Faith, who won a gold and silver in the relay and 100m hurdles respectively, said that she was excited to be part of the trip to Zambia.

“I am so happy to make the trip to Zambia, and I appreciate the AFN leadership for the opportunity.”

Another athlete, Ewa Peace, who got a silver medal in the high jump event, was also full of happiness, saying the battle of Ndola afforded her the opportunity to meet with athletes from different parts of Africa.

President of the Athletics Federation of Nigeria (AFN), Tonobok Okowa, yesterday, said that the Sports Minister, Dare, has promised to be on ground in Lagos today to receive the second batch of the athletes and officials.

Meanwhile, the Technical Director of AFN, Samuel Onikeku, has explained why the athletes and officials traveled to Zambia in two batches.

“It is sad that some Nigerians will just wake up and start criticising what we are doing without taking their time to find out the actual position of things. This championship was earlier scheduled to hold in Nusaka, but was moved to Ndola at the dying minutes.”

It was not possible for us to get over 50 seats in one airline. Even other countries like Egypt also traveled on different airlines to the championship. People should appreciate the effort of the present AFN board. Let us also celebrate the athletes for a job well done,” Onikeku stated.

The Guardian

When we think of potential career paths, the popular ones that come to mind are doctor, teacher, lawyer, etc., but there are so many jobs that never even cross our minds. Things are the way they are, the world functions the way it functions, and we don't even consider how certain things exist or are maintained. Well, some folks shared the jobs they've done that people don't even know exist, and it's all super enlightening. Scroll down and see for yourself!

The following is a compilation of submissions from threads that can be found here, here, and here.

1. "I used to put timestamps on Netflix videos for the 'Skip Intro' button. I would wake up, log on to a special page, and have a list of videos/shows to timestamp. I was paid for eight hours of work a day, and most days I could breeze through my daily workload in two to three hours."

—TexasCplL

2. "Have you ever sung karaoke? Well, not many people realize that somebody has to match those lyrics to the song and properly time their appearance. That was my job senior year of high school. There's an art to it. I took it very seriously. 'Pop Hits Monthly 2000-2001.' That's me, baby!"

—burtwinters

3. "I once worked for a newborn photography agency as a 'Bereavement Coordinator.' The rest of the company centered around photos of newborns taken in the hospital after their birth, but I dealt with the non-profit side of the business. Essentially, my job was to sort through hospital photos of babies that were either miscarried or stillbirths, who died in the hospital. I'd choose the best photos and do some light corrections, get them printed, and create a memorial packet for the parents that was then sent to the hospital's bereavement program for any parent who wanted the photos."

—skjori

4. "I compose music and design sound effects for slot machines. I live in Vegas, but still, few people outside of the slot industry know my job exists. Makes for a bit of interesting conversation."

—musicman702

5. "I'm a prop shopper for a popular TV show. Basically, I show up, the designer tells me what specific prop the show needs for the taping, and it's my job to go buy or rent it. It's fun because they ask you to get ridiculous stuff sometimes and it's a challenge to find it."

—77Columbus

6. "A horse braider. Not a breeder, but a braider. My mom braids horses' manes and tails for horse shows. It’s quite lucrative, as everything to do with horses is expensive."

—illbethegreatest

7. "Wide format printing. Ever see a really big, vinyl banner hanging up at an event? Trade show flags and retractable graphics? Plastic or foamcore signage? I get to play with a flatbed printer that is 10 feet wide and eight feet deep. Organizations contact me, I get them a quote based on material costs, how fast my printer can print, and production time (trimming, hemming, grommets, etc.)."

—[deleted]

8. "The department of Weight and Measures. They check to make sure gas stations are accurate, e.g. they actually pump one gallon of gas when the pump displays that a gallon has been pumped."

—Stimperonovitch

9. "I graphic design coupons onto the back of receipts."

—Separate-The-Earth

10. "Getting rid of commercials in sports bars, and replacing them with endless amounts of media customizable by the consumer. My job as quality control is to push a button on an iPad when, ESPN for example, switches from a program to a commercial. It triggers the change in all restaurants/bars using the service (like Dave & Buster's)."

—heny935

11. "Instructing at a mermaid school. I teach classes where people learn how to swim and do tricks with a mermaid tail on. We also host birthday parties and bachelorette parties. The real fun part is modeling as a mermaid for promotional photos/videos."

—Secret_ice_cream

12. "Making clothes for Barbies. My mom did this as a textile engineer for Mattel. When she retired from the job, they gave her a miniature Barbie that was made to look like exactly like her. The doll has clothes my mom would wear and a whole office cubicle with miniature pictures of my family on her desk. It's pretty cool."

—fangxx456

13. "Underwater construction/salvage/inspection. I’m a commercial diver and I get called for pretty much any job that requires something be done underwater gets. It’s loads of fun and the pay is great!"

—19jos95

14. "I attempt to read addresses on mail that machines can't."

—aziraphale60

15. "Building hiking trails. A lot of people assume they're just naturally formed or something, but that's the goal of a good trail builder."

—Lo-def

16. "You know those fire evacuation maps that are entirely useless because nobody's gonna stop and look at a map on their way out of a burning building? Yeah, I design those."

—Stebraul

17. "You know those big companies with millions of fans on Facebook, Twitter, and such? You know when they make a new post and it gets like a bunch of comments, which have tons of spam and swear words and inappropriate content in them? I had a job where I would read over ALL of the comments and clear them according to guidelines set by the client."

—scrat55

18. "I get paid to be a live mannequin. No, not a model that poses in pictures, gets her makeup done, and gets put in magazines — I work behind the scenes, in the warehouse. Designers for huge chain stores will use my frame to show outfits to the CEO of a company who approves or rejects the looks. Clothing on a mannequin looks totally different on a real person."

—julieannluna

19. "I seriously have the job of trying to contact people who place orders on a very, VERY popular website, and then try to cancel their card before it actually gets charged. See, we don't charge until right before the item ships, which is sometimes a day or two. Some people have figured that out, and OCCASIONALLY one will ship out before we've actually charged the card. There are literally thousands of people out there who go on our site, make a purchase, and try to cancel or somehow block the charge going through in the hopes that the product will ship out. I call 25-40 people per day trying to get them to update their payment method. Sometimes you can tell that it's honestly innocent, like their card expired or got lost. But most of them play stupid and hang up on you."

—CDC_

20. "Once got paid for a month of 40-hour work weeks to sit at a gate and make sure no cows got out. I was a 'Bovine Identification and Exit Prevention Specialist.' Never saw a fucking cow. Read some good books, though."

—thehumanscott

21. "Trucking companies employ people who recover abandoned trucks and cargo. Apparently truckers will just be like, 'Fuck it' and leave their trucks and trailers on the side of a road. These companies pay pretty well and you are on call 24/7, but they fly you all over the country to retrieve their stuff."

—Smitesfan

22. "I had a brief stint as a 'Junior Cheese Evaluator.' What is less known than the cheese tasting part is the business analytics side of things. We have to know what good cheese is and what consumer tastes are like and how to influence those tastes to make room for company products that maximize profits for the cheesemaker and retailer. There’s a whole national certification exam I was studying for before I decided to take a drastic career shift."

—applepiepirate

23. "I used to be an E-911 call tester for a large service provider in the US. I'd literally drive cell tower to cell tower calling 911 to make sure it routed to the correct emergency services. You'd be surprised by how many times it failed."

—PM_ME_UR_BOOTY_GRIL

24. And finally, "I was a enucleator. When people passed and wanted to donate their corneas, I would retrieve their eyes from their body and take them to the lab to process for transplant."

—ratwood99

Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.

BuzzFeed

In an interview with Channels Television on Thursday, former Catholic Archbishop of Abuja, John Onaiyekan, expressed doubts about the wisdom of swearing in President-elect Bola Tinubu before the conclusion of the election tribunal.

Tinubu's victory in the presidential election is currently being contested in court by Atiku Abubakar of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and Peter Obi of the Labour Party (LP). Onaiyekan suggested that the electoral process in the nation needs to be reevaluated, as it often produces winners who are plagued by legal challenges to their legitimacy.

He argued that until the court has made a decision on the election, it is premature to swear in a president-elect.

Onaiyekan acknowledged that similar situations have occurred with governors in the past, but argued that the outcomes have not been satisfactory. He called for a review of the electoral process to ensure that winners emerge in a way that everyone can rally around, and expressed his concern that every election seems to be constantly contested.

House of Representatives has called on the Independent National Electoral Commission to remove fictitious names and those of dead Nigerians from its voters register, describing it as bogus.

The House made the call at plenary on Thursday, following the unanimous adoption of a motion of urgent public importance moved by a member, Leke Abejide.

The motion was titled ‘Urgent Need for Independent National Electoral Commission to Develop Mechanism to Clean Up Its System of Dead and Fictitious Registered Voters.’

According to Abejide, INEC’s register is “full of millions of people who are dead and non-existent persons.”

He said, “In the last general election, it was glaring and crystal clear that people that were long dead had their names still displayed in the voters’ register. Even my own deceased father, who passed on long ago, still has his name displayed on the board.

“Apart from dead voters, there are millions of fictitious voters who do not exist anywhere on this planet earth but have their names on INEC’s register of voters. It is believed that this came to be as a result of double or multiple registrations by Nigerians who had or have the intention of rigging elections, but with the advent of the Bimodal Voters Accreditation System, these faceless individuals can no longer vote anymore.”

Adopting the motion, the House resolved that “INEC should conduct vigorous public enlightenment for all Nigerians to be much aware of what makes the voters register bogus, which is the numbers of dead and fictitious persons.”

The lawmakers also resolved that INEC should develop a mechanism or software application, where families who lost their loved ones can report the demise of a particular Permanent Voter Card number so that it can be duly deleted from the Commission’s register, polling unit and ward.

“Whoever does not vote in two election cycles back to back be deleted from INEC register as non-existing human beings,” the House resolved.

Another resolution was that INEC should include voter verification in its continuous voter registration exercise to identify those on the register who are still alive as well as fish out those with fake registration.

Furthermore, the House mandated its Committee on Electoral Matters to ensure compliance with the resolutions.

INEC had on January 11, 2023, prior to the just-concluded general elections, released the final list of voters for the 2023 general elections. The number of registered voters rose from 84,004,084 in 2019 to 93,469,008 in 2023.

Punch