Every year in January, I tell myself I’ll spend less on dinners out, read more, save money, and just generally embrace being at home — a task which should be easier considering the freezing temperatures. 

None of these goals are necessarily bad, but they might not actually increase my well-being, says U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. In fact, a lot of activities thought of as “self-care” may actually make us more lonely, and isolation is a condition linked to depression, heart disease and even premature death. 

In a 2023 report, Murthy wrote that we have an “obligation, to make the same investments in addressing social connection that we have made in addressing tobacco use, obesity, and the addiction crisis.” 

Especially because young people report some of the highest rates of loneliness.

“There are forces around us that are telling us that the way to fill the emptiness that many of us feel is to focus more and more on ourselves, right?” he recently said on The Oprah Podcast. “To acquire more, to achieve more.”

Murthy suggests focusing on factors outside ourselves instead. Building relationships, engaging in our communities, and acting in service of others, he says, can make us feel less alone.

“When we focus on connecting to something bigger than ourselves, that’s actually when we find joy,” said. “It’s why service is one of the most powerful antidotes to loneliness.”

His advice is a good reminder that being by yourself and thinking about yourself all the time is not a sound strategy for fulfillment. It’s OK, worth the money, and even healthy, for me to prioritize dinners with friends.

CNBC