In the latest thrilling episode of Nigeria’s burgeoning kidnapping drama, we have witnessed yet another remarkable innovation: abductions on water. Yes, indeed, three unsuspecting boat passengers found themselves unwilling participants in this aquatic adventure, whisked away by gunmen near Falomo Bridge, Lagos on Saturday, June 15. The Lagos State Police, always a beacon of swift action and effectiveness, have of course “started looking into it.” Bravo!

One can only admire the creativity of Nigeria's criminal masterminds. With thousands already abducted by land, it was high time our intrepid kidnappers took to the seas. President Bola Tinubu must be proud. After all, when he promised to tackle insecurity, who could have guessed he meant giving kidnappers the confidence to diversify their portfolios?

But why stop at the sea? With over 7,000 abductions in Tinubu’s first year, and the daring recent boat heist, it’s only a matter of time before the skies become the next frontier. Imagine the headlines: "Passengers Abducted Mid-Flight in Nigerian Airspace!" It’s the logical next step, isn't it? Given the current trend, passengers may soon need to choose their airlines based not just on comfort and price, but on the likelihood of being hijacked.

Let’s not forget President Tinubu’s stirring inaugural promises. “Security shall be the top priority of our administration,” he declared with conviction. And yet, the numbers tell a different story. With over 4,500 fatalities and 7,000 kidnappings in his first year alone, perhaps the President is redefining what “security” means. Maybe, just maybe, he’s aiming for a record-breaking performance, ensuring Nigeria tops global abduction statistics.

In all seriousness, the tragic reality behind this lighthearted lamentation is a nation gripped by fear, where safety is a luxury few can afford. The government's response has been tepid at best, with grand promises and little to show for them. The recent marine abduction is not just a bizarre twist; it's a damning indictment of an administration that has failed to protect its citizens, whether on land, sea, or potentially soon, in the air.

So here’s to the brave Nigerian travelers, who might soon need parachutes as part of their standard travel gear. Fly safe, if you dare!