Once upon a time, in the bustling markets and humble kitchens of Nigeria, there were two steadfast friends: Garri and Beans. These culinary comrades, adored by the masses and cherished by the destitute, provided solace in times of need. They were the loyal sentinels of the supper table, the reliable pillars of the pantry, the unassuming saviours of countless Nigerian stomachs. Alas, how times have changed. Our once-faithful friends have turned into avaricious adversaries, leaving us to ponder the cruel ironies of life.

In an era where loyalty should be more than just a marketing slogan, Garri, the ever-affordable carbohydrate king, has staged a coup. Once the darling of the downtrodden, Garri has decided to climb the social ladder, no doubt influenced by the ostentatious display of riches in Nollywood films. Gone are the days when a humble handful of this cassava flour could sustain a family. Today, even the meager morsels of Garri come with a hefty price tag, prompting us to wonder if it has developed a taste for the finer things in life – truffle-infused Eba, perhaps?

Then we have Beans, the protein-packed stalwart that once swore to "hold the stomach for longer, for cheaper." Our trusty legume, once the Robin Hood of the Nigerian diet, now dances to the tune of N5,000 per ‘kongo.’ What has caused this treacherous transformation? Perhaps Beans has been fraternizing with the bourgeoisie, sipping champagne in fancy restaurants while reminiscing about the days when it was a humble hero of the masses. It seems Beans has forgotten its roots – quite literally – and now revels in its newfound status as a luxury item.

Let us not forget the plight of Nigeria’s indigent students and casual labourers, those valiant souls who once relied on Garri and Beans to see them through the day. With a minimum wage that can barely stretch to buy six measures of Beans, not nearly enough to feed a family of pigeons, let alone hardworking Nigerians, one must wonder: what next? Shall we expect water to demand royalties, or air to start charging rent? The very idea is laughable, yet here we are, betrayed by our oldest allies.

Oh, Garri and Beans, how could you turn your backs on us in our darkest hour? Nigeria is enduring the harshest economic crisis in a generation, a time when true friends should stand by us, not abandon us for the allure of inflated prices and elitist status. You were our comfort in times of despair, our sustenance in times of scarcity. Now, you mock us with your unattainable cost, leaving us to fend for ourselves in a country where even the simplest sustenance is beyond reach.

In the grand theater of Nigeria’s economic tragedy, Garri and Beans have taken on new roles – no longer the heroes, but the villains. They have joined the ranks of the untrustworthy and unreliable, leaving us to seek out new allies in our quest for survival. Perhaps, one day, they will remember their true purpose and return to the side of the poor and needy. Until then, we bid them a sardonic farewell and brace ourselves for the next act in this unfolding drama.