A few hours after it was made known that heroic government troops had invaded the fortress where some Kaduna school kids were being held and liberated them by fire and by force, Okon jumped into snooper’s room totally breathless with his eyes almost popping out in insane excitement. Yours sincerely was totally flustered by this early morning invasion of his privacy. But the crazy boy was in no mood to be lightly dismissed.

“Oga, you see now, I get power pass all dis dem palm wine prophets and tombo journalists. He don reach twelve years now since I see and I say am say for Niger Delta na government dey fight government. Even dis Boko Haram palaver now you no see say na government dey fight government? Dem dey quarrel over budget. You no see how dem Gumi man dey walk in and him dey walk out like dem magician? Dem go do amnesty after dem don finis dem Central Bank and Ibo boy don disappear”.

“Okon, shut up if you have nothing sensible to say”, snooper screamed at the mad boy.

Since the Niger Delta crisis intensified, Okon has been preening and prancing all over the place, claiming to be part of a patriotic secret organisation committed to a peaceful resolution of the bloody imbroglio. Sometimes, he would shamble into the house past midnight reading to himself what he called a confidential communiqué on the matter. After Gbaramutu was sacked, Okon sauntered in in the early hours of the morning looking like the real devil’s advocate. Snooper decided to sit the mad Calabar boy down before he got into a major trouble.

“Okon, what is all this Niger Delta nonsense?” snooper asked with disdain.

“Ah oga no be nonsense at all. Na government dey fight Government “, the mad boy retorted.

“Meaning what?” snooper snapped.

“Oga, abi you no sabi say Tompolo’s first name be Government? So na government dey finish government. But we wan separate them rogues becos he be like if say one government wan destroy dem government boy and you know say when asinwin man with obonge blokos dey fire one’s mama for inside room, you go dey cry with am, that’s all”, Okon submitted.

“What is happening in Gbaramutu?” snooper asked.

“Oga, Gbaramutu don become Gbarayamutu. Yoruba people no help us now but if to say na  Abiola or dem Awolowo dem for don kaput government now”, Okon retorted.

A few days after this, Okon sauntered into the living room. “Oga I wan reach Patani to attend Congress of Creek Chiefs”. Two days later, Okon crawled in with fever in his eyes and his belly fearfully distended. Before he collapsed, the mad boy moaned. “Oga, he be like if say dem don poison dem food. I hear one gogogodo man dey shout, yaisa, yaisa to them yaro cook. Dem give me a whole goat to chop. Dem say dem dey do capacity building. Awuf dey run belle ooo”.

First published in 2009 and now upgraded.

The Nation