After surviving a major altercation at the police station at Okolonbo, Okon was livid with indignation and was in no mood for taking hostage. He had gone to report the theft of his personal items in a commercial vehicle. But the desk sergeant sat him down to a lecture on civic responsibility.

“Oga, armed robbery na number one industry for Kontri. Everybody dey do am. Make dem kukuma legalise dem thing. Even dem godogodo man for inside dem Asshole Rock, dem remove even him Tuwo Shinkafi and him Lawani…”, the gap-toothed devil noted.

“Wetin dat one get for my complain?” Okon screamed at him.

“O ya oo. Make you write down everything dem thief and we go forward am”, the desk sergeant noted with a cynical guffaw.

“Lai, lai!!!! Dat one na obonge lie!” Okon shouted at him.

“Oga, na so we am oo. Everybody dey fear for him life. If them people come in now, I go jump thru window like monkey. See how many police station and policemen dem don finish. The kind arsenal dem I-bomb or IPOB boys get even Shango with him thunder no fit face dem”, the cop rued.

“Wetin concern Arsenal Football for this matter? So you no fit do even common investigation again?” Okon sneered.

“Ha oga, common investigation no be dat common. When you pursue investigation too far, investigation go come back to pursue you. Na first law of investigation be dat”, the cop sang with joyous self-satisfaction. Okon became so livid that he stormed out of the station almost colliding with Baba Lekki who had come to his rescue in case things turned nasty.

Baba Lekki was in a chirpy lively mood and was singing a Marxist parody of Harold Macmillan’s famous quip that Britain had never had it so good. He had learnt this during his days as fiery radical Law intern in London.

“Baba, how you fit say dis when obodo don kaput like this?” Okon screamed at the old man.

“No be me say am oo. Na oga patapata say am. Him say things better patapata for Kontri”, the old man protested.

“Abi dis baba’s head don scatter? Which kind better me dat?” Okon raved in stormy indignation.

“Okon, he be like if say dem man dey see vision. Dem Nigeria problem don hammer him head well well”, Baba Lekki jeered and fell on the floor laughing hysterically.

“Make dem baba no tell me dat nonsense again”, Okon screamed as Baba Lekki vanished into a dark alley.

The Nation