As Okon’s antics became more outlandish with each passing day, snooper devised a scheme for tempering the juvenile Calabar rogue’s waywardness. The mad boy has even added Governor General of Efik nation to his numerous titles. We decided to ask him to accompany snooper to the barber’s shop where we normally relax and enjoy a game of draughts with our childhood crony, Buhari a.k.a  Buhari Jogbojogbo. May be Okon can learn something from the ancient wit and wisdom of the Yoruba, and the humility with which they display their wisdom.

The day began with snooper trying to sharpen Okon’s rusty mind for the task ahead. He was also cautioned that Jogbojogbo was a dreaded chieftain of an outlawed confraternity and a Yoruba supremacist who believes that his people are the greatest thing that has happened to the world.

“Okon, what’s your take on this Kong-fu fight between Ribadu and Aondoakaa?”

“Oga, I like Ribadu well, well. Na me supply the carbide dem use come scatter dem Globacom man’s gate. I write dat one say make he give me dem journalist handset, dem come tell me say dem no sabi any journalist wey dey bear Okon.  Na im  I say if dem no sabi my pen dem go sabi my carbide”.

“Okon !!” I screamed in disbelief.

“Oga, leave me o jare. Wetin you say be the name of the man who dey fight Nuhu?”, Okon asked with a devilish smile.

“Aondoakaa”, I replied.

“God punish am. No be dem people wan kill me for Bauchi?” Okon growled.

“No, no Okon. He is not a Dandoka. He is a Tiv.” I corrected.

“Oga, if he be thief, why Nuhu no go fight am finis?”

“No, no no, he is Tivi, Tivi, wereeeee!” I screamed at the mad boy.

“Chei oga na wa for dis kontri. I no no say some people dem dey answer Television” Okon said and burst into a ringing laugh.

The fireworks started immediately as soon as we got to the barber’s shop with Jogbojogbo eyeing Okon with suppressed mirth as if he was a specimen from the zoo.

“Alamu, do you need this one to dress like Mungo Park to cook  egusi soup for you?” Jogbojogbo asked with wry bemusement.

“Buhari, leave the poor boy alone”. I said with a smile. Okon was not amused at all. After trouncing snooper in straight sets, Buhari became expansive and started taunting Okon again.

“Come oo, Etteh, what’s that your funny name again?”, he asked Okon.

“Oga, I no be Etteh, I be Okon Anthony Okon”, Okon snapped.

“Hen, hen, so when did your people start bearing name?” Buhari crooned.

“Oga, when my people dey go school for Hope Waddell your people dey fight for Kiriji” Okon submitted with a straight face.

“Ha lenu e, Eko yi ti baje. Even Calabar cook dey talk back”, Buhari stammered in wounded self-regard. Sensing tragedy, I quickly rose to go, but Okon was not done.

“And make I tell you, na Calabar dem white people wan make capital, but dem come find say your people make better slaves”, Okon blasted.   

On hearing this, Jogbojogbo flung out a huge amulet from his pocket. Okon scrambled away, screaming, “Yoruba people wan kill me again ooo”.

First published in 2008.

The Nation