Chris Westfall

Passive-aggressive leaders specialize in hiding their true feelings, and making you question your own. Instead of taking a direct approach, and fostering clarity, passive aggressive leaders lack the courage (or the interpersonal skills) to confront workplace challenges. In a report from the Harvard Business Review, researchers identified passive-aggressive leadership as a key factor in low employee engagement and reduced organizational performance. PwC says that a passive-aggressive organizations will suffer from an inability to execute, experiencing ineffective decision making and an “information disconnect” - something that no one can afford in the age of AI. Rather than addressing issues head-on, and offering clear guidance, passive-aggressive leaders turn to sarcasm, dismissal, denial, ambiguity and other tactics that are found under the heading of “horrible communication strategies”.

As a communications coach to executives and entrepreneurs all over the world, I’ve seen the team-building challenges that passive-aggressive organizations face. Toxic leadership, as defined by Dr. Jean Lipman-Blumen in The Allure of Toxic Leaders, includes behaviors that destroy morale, damage relationships, and impede progress—qualities found in passive-aggressive leadership. Learning to eliminate passive-aggressive leadership, and how to respond to it, can transform your organization from the inside out. Consider these common passive-aggressive phrases:

1. “If you think that’s best, then go ahead.” The verbal equivalent of giving someone enough rope so that they can hang themselves, this phrase lets you know that you are on an island. On the surface, passive aggressive communication looks like support and agreement - but underneath, there’s a subtle disapproval from the leader. You are being set up to fail. The antidote for this kind of toxic leadership is to explore the idea of support, and what happens if this initiative goes sideways. Will your boss back you up? Or leave you stranded on a passive-aggressive island, where you are the only resident?
2. “Sure, I’ll get to that when I can.” Usually used as a response to your request for a promotion, new initiative or raise, this empty non-committal approach is another sign that you don’t have the support of your leader. The key here is to explore that timeline further - remembering that the passive-aggressive leader has more wishy-washy responses waiting for you, disguised as lame excuses or other covert responses. Try to stay neutral in the conversation, and seek out agreement around a realistic date for a response. Can you reach agreement around the importance of the initiative? What happens if approval isn’t granted or if a review doesn’t take place? Explore the costs of inaction from the entire team’s perspective.
3. “I didn’t realize that was such a priority for the team” Superficially, this statement looks like an acknowledgement of your priorities - but actually, your boss may be saying that your focus is out of whack. Or unimportant. Marlene Chism is the author of of From Conflict to Courage. In her work she suggests that employees can often disarm passive-aggressive leaders by seeking clarity through questions, which forces the leader to communicate more transparently. The question of focus begs more questions, to clarify the leader’s true expectations - not veiled disappointments.
4. “I’m sure you tried your best” - the passive-aggressive leader is the master of the backhanded compliment. Other examples include, “You look so much nicer when you smile,” which implies that you do not look nice - and also smells of sexism. By the way, why are we talking about how someone looks? Unless you are photographer trying to coax a particular expression, maybe it’s best not to comment on someone’s smile? Saying “I’m sure you tried your best”, after a recent failure, is not a compliment. It suggests that the effort was inadequate. Real leaders offer clear and constructive feedback, and have the courage to hold people accountable. The effective communicator gives feedback that fuels greater understanding, not some cryptic and disguised response...expecting your team to smile more while you hear it.
5. The Silent Treatment - passive aggressive individuals will hide their anger instead of expressing it directly, according to Psychology Today. Some subtle but insidious kinds of passive aggression are diminished eye contact, persistent forgetting, and ignoring the targeted individual during a group conversation. Silence when a response is warranted can be a sign of passive-aggressive behavior. Are you being ignored in group meetings, on Zoom, or in other situations? An objective third-party opinion can help make a difference, according to Berit Brogaard, PhD, a professor at the University of Miami. Someone (not you) that can give the leader a gentle nudge, and explore other options. However, if the passive-aggressive leader is not working with a coach (or open to feedback) don’t expect the silent treatment to stop anytime soon.

“Almost every problem that has escalated can be traced back to a conversation that should have happened but didn’t,” Marlene Chism tells USA Today. Passive-aggressive communication is a subtle but harmful form of toxic leadership. It erodes trust, damages collaboration, and stifles productivity. Organizations that allow passive-aggressive behaviors to persist will see a drop in morale, creativity, and overall performance, according to HBR, PwC, and your own personal experience. Employees can protect themselves by addressing the behavior professionally, from a neutral place of inquiry and curiosity. Moreover, teams (and team leaders) can gain new insights from coaching programs, articles like this one, and individual guidance on leadership. Passive aggressive choices are a misuse of imagination for leaders that don’t see other options. It’s an old adage, but still true today: honesty is the best policy. And high-performing leaders understand how to enable that approach.

Forbes