Saturday, 29 March 2025 04:50

Why vacations can ruin friendships

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Of all the bizarre dynamics at play in the third season of “The White Lotus” — kissing brothers, potentially murderous May-December romances, a rogue gun — the one I’ve found most captivating is the girls’ trip. Three childhood best friends who take pride in the longevity of their relationship quickly find out they might not have much in common anymore. 

Perhaps the reason this storyline monopolizes my attention is because it’s all too familiar. Group trips are notoriously effective at straining relationships. Even my deepest, most candid friendships probably couldn’t survive a week abroad. 

To find out why this is such a universal experience, and how to avoid it, I talked to therapists and travel experts. 

Many of the guardrails that everyday life provides disappear when you travel, therapist Eman Almusawi told me. Routines help us manage our emotions and, as a result, protect our relationships.

“Friendships rely on a balance of closeness and personal space,” Almusawi says. “When that balance is thrown off, especially on vacation, people might respond in ways that catch us off guard.” 

The easiest way to ensure your trip doesn’t end with broken bonds is to do some vetting beforehand, travel experts say.

Be sure that discussions about money go deeper than the overall cost of your trip, notes Elaine Glusac, author of The New York Times’ Frugal Traveler column. “Talk about how you’d like to allocate the budget across variables like dining and entertainment,” she says.

Have honest conversations about how much time each of you is comfortable spending alone. “You can agree to do things at a different rate and meet up later for a meal, but you should both be content on your own, which you should hash out prior,” Glusac says.

And, of course, be sure your interests align. You don’t want to be in the position of convincing someone that a museum is worth their time or money. And you don’t want to be dragged out to a historical site you have no interest in seeing.

I’m not sure taking these precautions will guarantee a frictionless trip, but they will hopefully result in one that is more harmonious than what’s playing out in “The White Lotus.”

 

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