Marriage is a serious business. It is not meant for the immature, irresponsible or ill-prepared. It is not a deal for playboys and "runs girls." It indicates responsibility and commitment on the couple. It changes their statuses from ‘single’ to ‘married.’ It enhances personal values, enriches experience and confers credibility on the married in the eyes of the society. Being responsible is part of the reasons only the married is qualified to stand as surety or guarantors in serious matters in the law courts. The sum value of marriage is in the sense of responsibility, discipline and value addition to self, family and the larger society. And, above all, in being fulfilled as ordained by God to replenish (procreate), have dominion and rule over the earth.
Many prospective brides and grooms wish to have a talk-of-the-town wedding. While wedding is just a day event, marriage is a lifetime affair. The pomp that usually headline the class and glamour of a wedding does not guarantee its success nor induce its failure. Unfortunately, not a few of the celebrated weddings have failed to translate into peaceful and enduring marriages. This has nothing to do with the age, class or tribes of the couples involved. It is traceable to tripartite factors such as parental interest, class obsession and neglect of the spiritual.
Some failed marriages would have survived but due to parental overbearing, misguided or imposed choices and pandering to the dictates of the class they belong to. This is common with the rich because they think, by that, they are protecting their family interest, business and class by insisting on choices within opulent family circles. Sometimes they could be right because some folks from humble backgrounds have proven to be a disaster in marriage to rich families. However, such cases are not enough for the rich to play God. They should realise that everyone's future lies with God as many of them were not born with silver spoons in their mouths. Fortunes smiled on them either through hard work, right connections or providence, the same way other people's children could make it with or without marrying their privileged children. There are basic things parents must check to determine the appropriateness of a prospective spouse for their children.
▪ Is the person educated enough to feel good in the midst of their peers? Is the person well behaved, civil, pleasant and mature? Everyone has weak points, so, they should not expect a saint because nobody is. On the average, if the character is adjudged good and tolerable to run a peaceful and stable home, then, the person is a good choice.
▪ The person's parental background in terms of integrity, business or occupation and track record or pedigree not necessarily in terms of financial worth but in values.
▪ The prospects of the person is key. What the person hopes to do or is doing as occupational engagement, the ability to excel in their field of speciality and/or the ability to manage business etc., will be an added advantage to the family.
The highlighted factors in addition to godly upbringing are enough criteria for a spouse-to-be for the children of the rich. We have seen children of the rich kill themselves in marriage. We have seen some of their marriages crash in weeks and months after society weddings. Parents should stop chasing shadows. They should concentrate on the important aspects of life and the wellbeing of their children and not to dwell on a one-day society wedding for their children. Is it wrong to be involved in the affairs of our children? Absolutely not. However, there are key areas parents need to work on to ensure happy and stable homes for their children.
Class obsession is a serious issue to contend with in this matter. Trying to measure up to the family’s rating has led some people into debts and acrimonious marriages. People should live within their means and celebrate according to their financial strength. There's no award for the Most Ostentatious Wedding of the Year. Therefore, celebrate moderately and spend wisely.
On the spiritual, it is not everybody’s aura that permits noisy or ostentatious celebration. The need to seek divine guidance in events like marriage is very important. Many homes are in disarray today because they failed to factor the spiritual into their arrangements much earlier. Seeking to know the mind of God concerning the couple and the ceremony is the right step to take. We are all spirit beings living in the physical. The Bible says God is in heaven ruling in the affairs of men. This basically applies to those who allow Him to rule in their own situations. God is a Gentleman, if you don't involve, consult or invite Him into your affairs, He will stay away, looking.
_From the Mailbox_
Re: ‘My wife caused it’
He's a useless man. A shameless man who drained his wife's finances in the name of soft loans. I believe he used the money to service his girlfriend whom he got pregnant because that's what he wanted. Otherwise, didn't he know where condoms are sold? The woman should divorce him.
– Liz, M, Lagos.
Most women are happier being single than married. No ordering around, no unnecessary malice, no cooking and serving any man. It's just freedom for them. For any one (man or woman) who has been in a toxic relationship before, the person will agree with me that it's a lot better to remain single. – Mrs. Nora O, Lagos.
I want to agree that infidelity in marriage is very bad. We should always ask for God's wisdom and divine direction in every aspect of our lives. Many women find it difficult to adapt when things are rough with their husbands. In my home, I’m the bread winner, yet, I live in peace with my husband. Allowing him to enjoy sex is also a key I often use to make him happy. My advice to the man is to pray about it, as we can see the wife's heart is very far from him. She needs to forgive him as marriage without forgiveness and tolerance may not last. – Julie, M, Enugu.
It is good he didn't hide his extra marital affair from his wife. It is good he’s sincere enough not to have justified himself for the wrong doing. It shows he is remorseful. Now he has to allow his wife some time to get herself together. She will forgive him though disappointed he could go that far. Then we have to also consider the other lady, the girlfriend and her baby. While he awaits his wife's forgiveness, he must first forgive himself. – Dayo, E, Lagos.
Any man who goes to a lady friend and utters statements like “I love my wife, I cannot afford to loose her” would eventually fall a prey to the lady friend’s antics because she would go the extra mile to satisfy the man emotionally, psychologically and physically (supporting him with money, wears and feeding him with sumptuous meals) that his wife (who is bluffing and denying him sex) could not offer. So, I suggest that every man should stop confessing love for their wife outside. They should stop taking loans from their wives to service their businesses; rather, they should look elsewhere. (Spiritual insight in that). Bedroom assignment is a must for the couple. Women should stop using sex as a weapon of punishment against their husbands. Note that what you are denying him would be given outside with or without money and the man will feel safer and relaxed where he is welcomed. Proverbs 14 verse 1 says “Every wise woman builds her own home.” – Wunmi, O, Lagos.
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